


a hundred heartbeats high

by MissYouSoFar



Series: Moments Frozen in Time [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec and Magnus are both 18, Fantasy, Horny Alec Lightwood, M/M, Masturbation, Part 2, Sad Alec Lightwood, Tearjerker, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 15:42:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29012997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissYouSoFar/pseuds/MissYouSoFar
Summary: Alec's long since past the point of embarrassment. He’s eighteen with tons of raging hormones, he tells himself. It’s expected that he can get hard from a stiff breeze, or in this case, his usual masturbatory fantasy: Magnus.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Moments Frozen in Time [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1729585
Comments: 14
Kudos: 42





	a hundred heartbeats high

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So, I'm back with another Alec masturbates fic. *shrug* AKA the tearjerker part 2. 
> 
> This takes place about a year and a half after chapter 5 of Strike for Love and Strike for Fear and 6-9 months before chapter 6. 
> 
> Thank you Giulia for reading this over for me and pointing out my many errors! 💖
> 
> Let me know if you think there are any tags I missed for this. Happy reading! <3
> 
> The title is from pink thing by txc

_Alexander. My love, you look so beautiful like this. Taking your own pleasure._

“Magnus, fuck,” Alec moaned around the fingers in his mouth, sucking on them enthusiastically. His body was slippery with sweat, matting his developing chest hair to his skin, his slick hand sliding up and down his cock. The pace was just enough to keep him on edge. He was desperate to come -- so hard it's almost painful. His touch isn’t quite what he wanted, but it’s all he had. 

**** _I wish that were my hand on you. Wish it was my dick in your mouth. I want to touch you so badly. Want your cock._

At least this way, he got to stay in the fantasy where Magnus wanted him too. He wanted, just for a little longer, to believe Magnus was _his._ That Magnus was in bed with him, whispering filthy encouragement as Alec fisted his cock, precome leaking from his slit. 

He felt a pang of shame when he’d pushed his hand into his boxers, teasing himself to full hardness, but he’s long since past the point of embarrassment. He was eighteen with tons of raging hormones, he told himself. It’s expected that he can get hard from a stiff breeze, or in this case, his usual masturbatory fantasy: Magnus. 

_I love the way you moan my name -- it makes me so hard._

Alec honestly lost count of the number of times he’d jerked off with Magnus in mind. He always tried to shut off his thoughts and just touch himself to scratch an itch, but inevitably, he would wish his hand was Magnus’ hand, or that the cold, wet, sticky feel of the lube was the warm, wet heat of Magnus’ mouth. 

Fuck, what would it be like to have Magnus on his knees, his mouth open so wide, waiting, _wanting_ Alec’s cock? Would he let Alec fuck his mouth and take Alec into his throat, swallow down everything, or would he pull off and let his come all over his face? Or Magnus spread out on his sheets, his naked body on display, all for Alec to touch and taste. Lately, Alec had been thinking more and more about being on his hands and knees for Magnus. With his beautiful, long beringed hands gripping Alec’s hips tight, pulling him back into every thrust. A pleasure that Alec could only dream of lighting up his entire body.

He thrust up into his hand, tightening his fingers a fraction until it was just right. His adjusted grip had his bow calluses rubbing right against the underside of the head, and it felt so good it made his head spin. He can’t stop the movement of his hips, fucking into his hand mindlessly, chasing the overwhelming pleasure. 

_You’re doing so well, love. I could come just watching you get off._

Alec sank further into his fantasy about this afternoon in the gardens. Magnus had finally made time for him, without Camille tagging along. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen his best friend without his girlfriend clinging to him like a wet blanket. 

Okay, so Alec is a little bitter. He didn’t hate that it was a girlfriend and not a boyfriend. He hated how Camille made Magnus change himself.

Magnus started dating her almost a year after Alec’s parent’s funerals. At first, their meetings in the library, no longer a secret, continued without pause. But slowly, Magnus started skipping out or coming late, eventually evolving into bringing Camille with him. Watching her perched in Magnus’ lap, witnessing them trade kisses and her hands all over Magnus’s body. 

It made his stomach turn in disgust and jealousy. More than once, Alec seriously considered using his magic to freeze her, but she seemed to make Magnus happy, and even if Alec didn’t trust her, he couldn’t deny him happiness. 

Camille decided a few months ago that she didn’t like when Magnus wore makeup or dyed his hair, so Magnus started skipping the too, except sometimes a little bit of eyeliner. 

But today, Magnus applied _bright_ pink lipstick and clear gloss. His eyes framed in shades of blue and purple. His flowy white shirt billowed around him, cut down to the top of his rib cage. He looked like the cover of a harlequin romance novel and every fantasy Alec had ever had. 

*

“ _It tastes like cotton candy,” Magnus said, not looking up from his sketch._

_Alec startled. “What?”_

_“My lipgloss,” Magnus replied, looking up at Alec through his lashes. “I thought maybe you’d like to know since you keep looking at it.”_

_Alec swallowed nervously. He thought stupidly that his gaze had gone unnoticed. Alec tried his best to keep his eye on his book, but Magnus’ lips were so pink and shiny. “No, I just—,” Alec started, realizing he had no idea what to say that wasn’t ‘I’m picturing your lips around my dick and the lipstick that would be left behind’. “—I was only. It’s new. The, uh, color. I haven’t seen you wear, um. Pink before.”_

_Magnus hummed, tilting his head curiously. “Does it bother you?”_

_“The color?”_

_Magnus rolled his eyes and scoffed. “No, dummy. The makeup.”_

_“Of course not. Why would it?”_

_“I’m a boy, and lipgloss is for girls?”_

_Alec shrugged. “Always looks better on you anyway,” Alec pointed out without thinking, his eyes widening in horror. “ I mean, historically, men wore a lot of makeup, right?”_

*

Alec pulled the fingers out of his mouth, trailing them down his chest to rub at his nipples. His circling fingers sent little jolts of pleasure through him. In real life, Magnus laughed and said something about Alec finally learning. But with Alec’s hand around his cock, he imagined Magnus pushing himself out of his chair and leaning over Alec’s, caging him in with his arms. 

_I’ve seen the way you look at me, Alexander. I know you want me._ Magnus levered himself into Alec’s lap, running one purple-tipped finger up Alec’s already straining zipper, popping the button open with ease. _So hard for me already. I bet you’re dripping, making a mess of your boxers._

Magnus hummed thoughtfully, looking at Alec like he’s a starving man at a feast. His eyes settled on Alec’s neck and he grinned. The first touch of Magnus’ mouth on his skin made his hips jerk up against Magnus’, their cocks rub together. Even through two layers of fabric, it had Alec keening, pleasure so intense that white spots exploded behind his closed eyes. He can feel Magnus smirking as he continued pressing hot, opened mouth kisses to Alec’s jaw and throat, sucking gently at his Adam’s apple until Alec begged for more. _More what, Alexander? I want to hear you say it._

“Please, Magnus,” Alec continued to beg, grinding his dick up to get some kind of friction, using his hands to try and pull Magnus down into the rolls of his hips. He lost control of his mouth, an endless stream of frantic babbling flowing from his lips. 

_Look how desperate you are. Is this what you want?_

Magnus pushed Alec’s pants down far enough for his cock to spring free against his stomach, curling his fingers around his length and stroking so slow and light that it’s more a tease than anything else. _So wet. I don’t think you even need me to touch your cock for you to come. I bet I could whisper filthy things, tell you how pretty you look under me, and you’d come from the sound of my voice and my weight in your lap. Isn’t that right, Alexander?_

Magnus moved the hand on Alec’s dick to his chest, his other hand threading itself into Alec’s hair, yanking his head back by his hair to bite at his neck. Alec’s moan was loud and clear, his cock jerking and leaking against his stomach. Alec would be embarrassed if he wasn’t so turned on. 

_That’s it, pretty boy. You’re so touch starved you’d take any kind of touch, wouldn’t you? I can hurt you, and you’d beg for more, as long as I keep touching you._

Magnus slid his hand up Alec’s chest until it rests against his throat, tightening his fingers until Alec gasped, jerking up his hips. _You’re perfect, darling, getting off on my hand around your throat. You look obscene, divine. I wish I could sketch you like this, lost in pleasure._

The hand in Alec’s hair gave another sharp tug, drawing another moan from Alec. _Gorgeous._ Alec’s head was swimming, clouded with pleasure and pain and joy. His skin was hypersensitive from years of being untouched. It felt like every nerve ending he had was directly wired to his cock. “Magnus, please touch me. I can’t--I need to come.”

Magnus released Alec’s hair and throat, placing his hands over Alec’s heart. **** _But I am touching you._

Alec shook his head frantically. “Pleasepleasepleaseplease.”

 _Is this what you want?_ Magnus reached down and scratched his fingers through the hair at the base of Alec’s cock. Alec whined, pressing his hips up as much as Magnus’ weight would allow. _I don’t think so._ He dragged his fingers through the precome pooling on Alec’s abs, bringing them up to his mouth, flicking his tongue against the tip of one finger. 

_Come on, be a good boy for me._ Magnus pressed his come covered fingers to Alec’s lips until Alec opened up and sucked his fingers clean, chasing Magnus’ fingers with his mouth when he pulled them free. _Are you close?_

“So close.”

Magnus slid off his lap onto the ground between Alec’s spread thighs. He carefully lapped at Alec’s abs, sure to avoid any contact with his dick. He sucked a few marks onto Alec’s stomach and thighs. Alec’s thighs are firm and shaking under his palms, his cock nearly purple, leaking in a steady stream. He’s teetering on the razor-sharp edge of his orgasm, and Magnus knew what to do to tip him over the edge.

All at once, he scratched his nails down Alec’s chest and stomach and blew across the head of Alec’s cock. _Can’t wait to get my mouth on you—next time. I want to see you come now, untouched, and then you can fuck my mouth, fill me up._

“Fuck, fuck fuck,” Alec gasped, the fantasy starting to fade, striping his cock painfully fast. He was going to come; he just needed a little more. 

“Magnus. Oh god, I’m gonna-- I'm close.” 

He thinks about what fantasy Magnus is offering. Magnus on his knees in front of him, guiding his cock between Magnus’ bright pink lips and the obscene stretch of them around his dick. The lipstick that he would find at the base when they finished. He fisted Magnus’ hair to pull him off his length and traced the sticky head of his dick over his mouth, making Magnus whine for more, eagerly lapping up the precome with a groan. 

Alec could hear the slick sound of Magnus working his own cock. Getting off on pleasuring Alec like this. 

Alec used the hand in Magnus’ hair to guide him back down, applying steady pressure until he could feel the back of Magnus’ throat on the head of his cock. He rolled his hips up once, feeling Magnus’ throat constrict about him. 

Magnus looked blissful on his knees, stuffed full of Alec’s cock. Alec wanted to rut into the heat of his mouth over and over until he came down his throat and Magnus swallowed every drop. 

Magnus tapped Alec’s thigh and Alec pulled out, releasing his hair. “Are you okay?”

_I'm fine. Alec-- Alexander. I want you to fuck me._

Alec’s orgasm was so intense; he thought he might have blacked out for a few seconds. When he came back to his senses, his whole body was trembling, and come was cooling on his stomach and chest. His body felt relaxed and pliant, but he knows what’s next. The debilitating shame and the tears now that the fantasy was over.

Tears burned his eyes as he made his way to the bathroom on shaky legs to clean himself up. He looked at his reflection in the mirror, like he does every time he let himself get taken by his desires, and Alec hated what he saw. The flush to his chest and face from a good orgasm, his lips red and swollen from his own fingers. He started and imagined ten finger-shaped bruises on his throat, red scratches down his chest, and hickeys on his thighs instead. He felt sick, wanting the pain, wanting Magnus so desperately while his friend was none the wiser. 

_I’m disgusting. Magnus would hate me if he knew. I hate me._

The tears finally fell as he swiped a washcloth from the bathroom closet, running it under the faucet and wiping away the mess on his skin. The evidence of his secret shame washed down the drain. 

Tossing the washcloth in the hamper on his way out of the bathroom, he grabbed a pair of boxers, tugging them up over his legs and hips. Alec pushed the top sheet off the bed, spreading himself out on the clean sheet underneath. Exhaustion is starting to set in, the one good thing about what he just did. 

Alec reached under his pillow for his phone. He felt a prick of disappointment that Magnus hadn’t replied to his message, but he was probably preoccupied with Camille, as usual. 

_**alec [6:01]:** hey it was nice today just you and me. i miss you. do you wanna hang out tomorrow? _

Alec had almost fallen asleep when his phone buzzed on his nightstand. He searched around for it, bleary-eyed. It’s a text from Magnus, but it’s been months since late-night texts from him excited Alec. He was always left disappointed and left behind. Alec shut his phone off, not bothering to reply. He fell asleep, tears still drying on his face, and hoped for good dreams.

_**magnus [11:36]:** can’t sorry. camille wants 2 go shopping. miss u 2. maybe next week? <3 _

* * *

The next time Magnus accidentally touched Alec, it was a brush of his hand against the exposed skin just under his navel while he was stretching. Alec let out a strangled moan before he could stop it, nearly having a god damn coronary trying to keep all his blood from rushing to his dick and only half succeeding. 

He must have gasped because Magnus was in front of him in a flash, reaching out to touch Alec’s face. “Are you okay?”

Alec scrambled backward before Magnus can touch his skin again, desperately wanting Magnus to touch him all over but terrified Magnus would notice his arousal. “Sorry, sorry. I, um, electric shock. It surprised me, is all.”

“Are you sure?” Magnus asked, frowning.

“Absolutely.” Alec nodded enthusiastically. “I’ll be right back. I’m suddenly super thirsty.”

;)


End file.
